How To Respond To A Child Who Threatens Suicide
When Your Child Threatens Suicide: A Guide for Parents
Over the years, many parents have shared their struggles with me about a terrifying and difficult scenario: their child threatening suicide. For many, it feels less like a genuine cry for help and more like a manipulation tactic—a way to get something they want. But, even when the parent feels this is a threat rather than a true desire to end their life, they often think, “But what if they actually do it?”
This uncertainty traps parents in a heartbreaking cycle, where they feel forced to give in to their child’s demands out of fear of the worst. The question that arises is: How do you respond in a way that protects your child’s well-being while not allowing yourself to be manipulated?
Here are two essential steps:
1. Take the threat seriously without showing visible fear or worry.
If your child threatens suicide, even if you suspect it’s a manipulation tactic, take it seriously. However, your response should not be driven by panic. In many cases, children use this type of language to scare or manipulate their parents. You want to send the message that you’re not easily scared but that you’re also ready to address the situation.
Remaining calm and composed shows that you are not overwhelmed by their words, and this can help establish a sense of safety. Children need to feel that their parents are strong enough to handle anything. This strength, or perceived strength, becomes an anchor for children who may feel out of control.
At the same time, parents also need to be mindful of their child’s fear of how they will react. If children feel they will be met with intense worry, anger, or fear, they may avoid opening up in the future. By demonstrating calm confidence, you’re saying, “I can handle this, and I can handle you.” Whether your child is using their threat manipulatively or they’re afraid of how you’ll respond to their deep pain, your calmness reassures them that they are safe to be vulnerable.
2. Address the threat directly and calmly.
Once you’ve regulated your emotions, it’s time to speak directly to the issue. With a serious and calm tone, tell your child that any mention of suicide must be taken seriously. One powerful statement you can say is: “If you’re thinking of killing yourself, we need to get you help right away.”
This message communicates that their words are significant and not something to be used casually. It shifts the conversation from manipulation to serious intervention. Many parents have told me that when they respond in this way—calmly offering to take their child to the emergency room or another mental health professional—the threats stop because the child recognizes that this is not a tool to manipulate their parent.
If, however, your child admits they said it because they were angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed, this is an opportunity for you to kindly but firmly set boundaries. Explain to them that expressing anger through suicidal threats is not acceptable. Use a tone that balances kindness and authority. Kindness shows that you’re on their side and care deeply about their emotional experience, while authority provides the grounding presence of a parent who sets clear limits.
This combination of care and firmness helps children feel safe. It shows them they are not in control of the situation, which can be comforting to a child who otherwise feels lost or overwhelmed. Your calm, authoritative approach allows them to experience boundaries while knowing that they are still loved and cared for.
Parenting is incredibly challenging, especially when faced with such high-stakes situations. By remaining calm, addressing the threat directly, and setting healthy boundaries, you not only protect your child but also teach them how to manage their emotions in a healthier way. Above all, remember: you are not alone. Many parents walk this path, and support is available. Stay strong, stay compassionate, and know that with the right approach, you can guide your child toward healing.