On The Importance Of Listening

As a therapist, it is interesting to hear from clients why they stopped seeing their previous therapist. For one, it’s more than likely what previous clients have said of me. Rarely will people give you brutally honest feedback; oftentimes you must get it by proxy. One such comment I have often heard as to why a client stopped seeing a previous therapist is: “They didn’t listen; they told me what I needed before they really heard me.” I don’t doubt that some of this was true, while some may be misunderstanding; the point though is that the client did not feel heard. Therefore, especially in the beginning, make sure to really understand what the client is saying, and then hear back from them that you have in fact understood them, before offering any kind of intervention. “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame” (Proverbs 18:13). Really listening is such a rare thing that it would not be surprising if most people never had someone really listen to them before. Listening isn’t just a quick and simple necessity to know how to intervene. In so many cases, listening is the intervention. To really listen is far more than being quiet while someone speaks, and nodding so as to indicate that you’re tracking with what they’re saying. To listen is to become aware of what at first did not appear to be there at all. It may even look like reading between the lines. But a careful listener will be picking up the smallest details, both verbal and nonverbal.