Adolescence

What is adolescence?

Adolescence. What comes to mind when you think of this time of life? Many people think of words like rebellious, risk-taking, experimentation and/or moody. None of these are without some justification; however, none of them are essential to adolescence. What is essential for adolescence is developing relationship skills while also developing independence.

A renown psychologist, Erik Erikson, once said that life consists of seven stages, which we must resolve in order to successfully move on to the next. For adolescents, they are in the stage called Identity vs Role Confusion. What this means is that teens are figuring out who they are, and to do this they might try on various roles. This can include anything from what kind of clothes they wear, to what kind of friends they hang out with, to accepting or rejecting the religion they were brought up in, to what they want their life to be about.

What does counseling teens look like?

One of the most important things I keep in mind when working with teens are these two goals: healthy relationships and independence. Teens have an almost uncanny ability to detect phonies from those who genuinely care about them and who are “real.” From my experience working with teens, I have seen again and again that it’s the relationship that matters, and it’s in the relationship that growth happens.

While the relationship is necessary, it is not sufficient. Therefore, here are five areas I typically work on with teens.

1.) Practicing empathy – Empathy is the ability to not only “see where someone else is coming from,” but to have a genuine understanding of what the other person is experiencing. Teens who are able to develop empathy have what is called “emotional intelligence.” They make better friends, being able to relate to others; when older, they make better spouses and parents. They also make better employees; in fact, increasingly, employers are placing more value on emotional intelligence than technical skill.

2.) Perspective taking — Related to empathy, perspective taking is the ability to stand back from one’s own view of things and consider another’s perspective. Those who’ve honed this skill are often quick learners, being able to see other’s solutions to life’s challenges and utilize them to overcome their own challenges.

3.) Recognizing and managing emotions — The teenage brain, combined with a surge in hormones, is undergoing a rapid development in areas that deal with emotions. A big part of counseling, then, is helping teens increase their emotional vocabulary. Once we put a name to something we begin to feel much more in control. Once we know what we’re feeling, we can then work on gaining more control over these emotions — anger, sadness, guilt, etc.

4.) Cooperating – The very nature of counseling — the back and forth sharing, the learning to communicate clearly and openly — is a lesson itself in cooperation. Teens who learn the art of cooperation will do better in all areas of their life, and have more confidence as a result.

5.) Resolving Conflict — Conflict is inevitable; the presence of conflict doesn’t necessarily mean there is a problem. In fact, conflict is often a sign of health and growth. But here one needs the skills to resolve it; if not, people get stuck. Whether with parents, teachers or friends, the ability for teens to resolve conflict is crucial.