A Simple and Surprising Way to Build Confidence

Confidence is often thought to come from recognizing and celebrating strengths. This belief is behind much of modern parenting, where praise is frequently lavished on children to build their self-esteem—sometimes regardless of actual achievement. The idea is that confidence is like a balloon that can be inflated with enough encouragement. But is this the best way to cultivate genuine confidence?

A better, more lasting way to build confidence is not just in knowing one’s strengths but in accurately knowing both strengths and weaknesses. Here’s why: Many people who struggle with confidence don’t have a clear and accurate understanding of themselves. They tend to underestimate or downplay their strengths while exaggerating their weaknesses. The result? A distorted self-view that leads to insecurity.

The solution is not to ignore weaknesses or pretend they don’t exist. Instead, confidence grows when we learn to define and describe our weaknesses with accuracy. This approach does two important things:

1. It puts weaknesses in a realistic and manageable light. Instead of being overwhelming, shortcomings become specific areas that can be addressed and improved.
2. It creates a pathway for growth. When weaknesses are understood clearly, they can be worked on intentionally and effectively.

For example, if a child struggles with patience, simply telling them they’re wonderful no matter what will not help them develop confidence. Instead, a parent can lovingly and truthfully acknowledge the challenge: “I’ve noticed that when you have to wait, you sometimes get frustrated quickly. Let’s work on that together by practicing patience in small ways.”

This approach aligns with biblical wisdom. Jesus calls us to speak truthfully and in love (Ephesians 4:15). He also instructs us to remove the plank from our own eye before helping others with their speck (Matthew 7:3-5). In other words, parents should model self-awareness and humility before guiding their children in this way.

True confidence, then, is not about ignoring weaknesses but about seeing oneself as one truly is—both strengths and flaws—and trusting God to help refine and strengthen those areas. As James reminds us, “Every good and perfect gift is from above” (James 1:17). When we acknowledge both our abilities and our need for growth, we place ourselves in a position to develop authentic confidence, rooted in truth rather than illusion.

So, if you want to build real confidence in yourself or others, start by seeking discernment. Pray for wisdom, embrace an honest self-assessment, and speak truth in love. That’s the kind of confidence that lasts.