Healing from Loss: Four Key Ingredients for Growth
Loss and pain are universal experiences, yet healing from them often feels like a deeply personal and lonely journey. When faced with profound grief or another painful event, many of us wonder what it takes to truly heal. In my experience, four things are essential in this process: time, truth, new experiences, and meaning. Let’s unpack each of these.
1. Time: A Necessary but Insufficient Ingredient
Time is often described as a healer, as the expression goes: “Time heals all wounds.” But while it is necessary for recovery, time alone won’t mend your wounds. Without addressing the deeper parts of our suffering, time may simply allow scars to form over unhealed wounds. True healing requires more than just the passage of days and months; it demands intentionality in how we face our pain. So while time is critical, it is not the only factor in healing from loss and pain.
2. Truth: Clearing Up the Lies We Believe
Pain often brings with it a host of lies that we tell ourselves: “Could I have done more?” “Was this my fault?” These nagging doubts and falsehoods can keep us stuck in a cycle of guilt or regret. One of the hardest but most crucial parts of healing is facing these lies head-on and replacing them with the truth. Maybe you did everything you could. Maybe this was out of your control. Healing cannot fully happen while lies remain lodged in our hearts and minds. The enemy of God’s people is Satan, also called the Accuser (Revelation 12:10). He is also an opportunist who waits for when we are at our most vulnerable to whisper lies about us, others and God Himself. This is why it is absolutely crucial to stay near to God during times of loss, which we can do by abiding in God’s word and remaining connected to God’s people, the church.
3. New Memories and Life Experiences: Returning to the Task of Living
After a painful event, it’s tempting to dwell on the past or stay fixated on the loss. But to truly heal, we must create space for new life and new memories. As C.S. Lewis puts it:
“This secret fire goes out when you use the bellows: bank it down with what seems unlikely fuel of dogma and ethics, turn your back on it and attend to your duties, and then it will blaze.
Lewis’ wisdom here speaks to the importance of returning to life, to attending to our daily tasks even when the weight of grief feels unbearable. By doing so, we open ourselves up to the possibility of joy and newness in the future, even when it feels far off.
4. Meaning or Purpose: Finding Growth Through Pain
Lastly, healing requires that we find meaning in our loss, or at least trust that meaning will emerge. Sometimes we discover this purpose quickly, other times it takes years, or perhaps we won’t fully understand it until eternity. Growth may be subtle at first, but over time, you may notice how this pain has shaped you for the better. This understanding may come in stages, and sometimes we won’t know the full purpose until we enter into eternity. In these moments, we must have faith in God’s promise:
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28 (NIV)
As we trust in this promise, we can begin to see how God uses even our darkest moments to shape us into something new and stronger.
Conclusion: A Journey of Faith and Patience
Healing from loss is not a quick or easy process. It takes time, truth, new experiences, and a deep sense of purpose. But through it all, we are to have faith that God is at work, even when we can’t see the full picture. He is shaping our hearts, our character, and our future. And as we press forward, we find that the pain does not disappear—but it transforms. It becomes part of a larger story, a story that, in the end, will be good.