Talking to kids about problems
This is an imagined scenario of what I might say to a young client, say, around 6 or 7 years old, but also similar to what a parent might say to their own child of similar age who may be struggling with some problem.
“Kids come to see me because they have some problem they are trying to solve. My job is to help them solve it. Everyone has problems, and it’s good to learn to solve them.”
“So like what kind of problems are you talking about?”
“Well, some kids are sad. For example, some kids are sad because they don’t have any friends. My job is to talk to them and try to figure out first of all why they don’t have any friends. Can you think of reasons why someone wouldn’t have any friends?”
“Maybe they’re really shy, like they get embarrassed if they talk to people.”
“Yeah, that’s right. Some kids are really shy and that’s why they might not have friends. Can you think of other reasons?”
“Hmm, let me think. Maybe they don’t know how to make friends.”
“Yeah, they don’t have the skills they need to make friends. Can you think of anything else why someone might not have any friends?”
“I can’t think of anything else. You tell me.”
“Well, what if they lived in a place where there were no other kids around. They weren’t shy or embarrassed, and they knew how to make friends. But there were just no other kids around to play with.”
“Oh yeah.”
“That’s why it’s important before we figure out how to help someone, we need to first figure out why they have the problem in the first place.”
“Ok, what other problems do kids have?”
“Let me see…some kids have problems with staying on task. If you tell them to do something, they get distracted along the way and forget what they were supposed to be doing.”
“Oh yeah! I have that problem too.”
“You sometimes get distracted too?”
“Yeah, like when my dad tells me to put my pajamas on, and I go to do it, but then I get distracted.”
“Why do you think you get distracted?”
“I don’t know, maybe there are so many fun things to do?”
“There are lots of things that grab your attention.”
“Yeah, and it’s like I get stuck on something and then I don’t even think about anything else?”
“Like if you are supposed to be putting on your pajamas, and you start playing with a toy, that’s all you can think about.”
“Yeah, kind of like that.”
“Now, what do you think would help you not get distracted?”
“Let me think. That’s a hard one. I don’t really know, but I know what doesn’t help.”
“Ok that’s good. What doesn’t help?”
“Just thinking about it. That doesn’t help.”
“Just trying to tell yourself to remember doesn’t help?”
“It doesn’t really help.”
“What about if your parents yell to remind you to put your pajamas on?”
“That helps a little. I sometimes think I’m never going to get it and almost give up trying.”
“It’s really hard for you. It’s really hard for me to stay on task too.”
“It’s hard for you too? Like what?”
“Well, I will start projects and even though I want to finish them, something else will distract me and I can forget about what I wanted to do.”
“Really? Like you try to finish something and then can’t?”
“Yeah, it feels like that. I guess we need to figure out how we’re going to solve this problem of staying on task. It’s hard, but we’ll figure it out.”
“Okay.”